Stuff to see in Australia in springtime September

Meanwhile in Barnsley, it's
snowing, and not that decent
snow either, that grey slush
stuff everyone hates.

London, for about two weeks, was where it was at, in the world. We had Jessica Ennis winning, the Spice Girls miming and Usain Bolt proving why the word cool isn't enough anymore.

But that's over now, and the 10 minutes of sun we had as well, that's gone. The rain is back, the temperature's just starting to trickle downhill and the nights are drawing in. So just what's the point in life?

But in Australia...

It's the exact opposite: the days are getting warmer, the music is getting louder and the beers are getting larger.

If you're in Australia this September, you'll be wanting some stuff to do.

Get your swim on - Sydney - 1st September

What better way to kick off the season than with a swim? Sydney's Greenwich Baths reopens for the season on the 1st, and to celebrate everyone gets in free and there's a BBQ.

Make sure you get there early so you can be first to pee in the pool, if the staff haven't already.

Float your boat - Melbourne - 1st September

If you think that being drunk doesn't quite make it hard enough to walk around making bawdy comments at girls and starting fights with whoever, try doing it on a boat!

The Citibeatz Boat Cruise Two involves anyone jumping on a ship and drinking copious amounts, either in the 90s room upstairs, or the hip-hop room downstairs, until two when they turn the engines on and get the place churning to see who can go the longest without recycling the drinks offers.

(That might not happen)

Get your groove on - Sydney - 1st September

If you reckon you look dapper in a suit or when you're wielding a razor or another similarly lethal weapon, head on down to the Metro Theatre on Saturday for the Gangsters' Ball 2012 when you can compare the size of your guns and discuss your jury tampering and intimidation techniques without the threat of the whole thing turning into a blood bath.

This is the real one, probably.

You don't have to let go - Brisbane - 1st September

Michael Jackson sold approximately one billion records and was performing for four decades but anyone who saw him counts themselves in a lucky few. While it may be too late to see the King of Pop himself now, don't worry, you still have options.

Don't let anyone ever tell you you don't have options.

Kenny Wizz is widely recognised as the world's foremost Jacko impersonator, his HIStory tour sold out across Australia and the all new HIStory II tour promises to do the same. Wizz's fanaticism and unwillingness to just let go sees him take audiences through Jackson's entire career, from the early days as a precocious young child performer right through to the most famous musician in the world, best selling artist of all time and most discussed face ever.

Should be a decent gig.

Something for the ladies, but really for the fellas - Perth - 1st September

Pole dancing was once limited to dingy, sordid clubs where fat sweated unshaved men leered at the girls through clouds of dank smoke, but now it's a legitimate art, and that's great.

So while you might not be able to fling yourself round a fireman's pole faster than a chimpanzee who's left the oven on, swing by the Fly By Night Musicians Club on Saturday for the Amateur Pole Queen competition where 30 girls will be judged on their skills, costumes and sensuality.

Feeling festive - Brisbane - 8th to the 29th September

The Brisbane Festival is one of the largest music and cultural events in the country. For three weeks, there'll be enough dancing to cripple Michael Flatley and enough booze to drown a medium sized dog.

Particular highlights include a beat boxing competition and late night DJs setting the after party off.

Outdoor cinema, or is it - Melbourne - 12th and 26th September

Drive in cinemas are one of a few things that are in films and on TV, and nowhere else. Have you ever seen one? No, you haven't, don't lie. The fact is the reality of a drive in cinema is probably rubbish, you won't be able to see properly, the sound would be out of time, you're stuck in a car and it's probably going to start raining, even in Australia.

That's why the Outside-in Cinema in Melbourne is the perfect compromise. OK so you might get arrested if you back your car in (we said might) but you can still get everything you thought would be top about an outdoor cinema - deck chairs, food that doesn't cost more than hip surgery and some great films to watch - but inside.

Get on it, you won't need your car bonnet.

If you can tell this isn't a G6
you should get out more, we
both know you haven't got one.

Like a G6 - Adelaide - 25th September

Whether you like that song is really irrelevant, the only factor that matters is how much you hate yourself after you've finished loving every minute of dancing to it.

Tacky, cheesy, rip off and all other insults you can chuck at it, you can't say it's not a top club track. That's why even if you don't particularly like the Far East Movement or rather, you like to tell your friends you don't like the Far East Movement, no one is denying that the gig down at the HQ Complex won't be banging.

Either that or you can go see Hanson the week before, your choice.

Ziggy played the guitar - Sydney - 26th to the 28th September

No one is going to pretend the Far East Movement are anything but a flavour of the minute, they'll be on the tip of people's tongues as people tunelessly hum G6 within a year but if you appreciate music, and what one man has done for it then the Opera House at the end of the month is for you.

Ziggy is a night dedicated to the genius that is David Bowie, his musical genius that is. If it was a tribute to his acting prowess it would consist of a 3 second clip of crystal balls being juggled, and even that was a stunt double. 

Instead, join performers Jeff Duff, Steve Balbi and Brydon Stace as they play Heroes, Space Oddity, Changes, Jean Genie, Ashes to Ashes, Under Pressure...Ziggy Stardust, the list goes on and on.

If you like Bowie it's the place to be, if you don't like him, get down there anyway and better yourself.

- Dominic Ladden-Powell is the Online Editor with the Australian Visa Bureau, an independent migration consultancy specialising in helping people lodge applications for a Working Holiday Visa to Australia.